I think today has been a bit of a hard day for everyone….my mother is feeling stressed and even though I know we will get through everything just fine I can’t help but be affected too…my nerves on on wire so every little thing is sending me over the edge and I am able to snap at anyone right now.
But I don’t think my mother realizes that its a bit harder on me at the moment. I am not talking to my dad for what he and Kirk did and due to Lorelai’s pride I am not allowed to include my friends in on whats going on, but they see through my texts that something is wrong and they keep pestering me to tell them even though I can’t and it kills me that I can’t tell them. They keep asking me why I don’t trust them with the secret I’m holding and how they feel bad that they can’t help me and why won’t I let them help me? It’s killing me inside to lie to Lane and Marty….they are my two best friends and I am hurting them by not telling them whats wrong with me.
Also unlike Lorelai I don’t have a boyfriend a few blocks away who I can escape to and lean into for comfort. I can’t kiss my computer or get a hug from it, I can’t tell it all my problems and have them tell me everything is going to be okay. All I have is a pillow to cry on at night because I can’t exactly tell my mother about all the things that she has been doing that bothers me like I can with my friends or talk to her like she’s not who she is….I can’t….I just can’t.
I think tonight I just need my Country Music, Tabbles, my stuffed animal, an Orange Tabby Cat, and work on my book some more….maybe I should go make a cup of tea as well. Scratch that….I don’t want to leave my room right now.